Supporting Children Through Divorce: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Divorce is a difficult time for everyone involved, but it can be especially hard on children. As a parent or caregiver, it's important to provide support and guidance through the process. This guide will explore various tools and practices for supporting children during a divorce, including starting a conversation with your child, acknowledging your own feelings, establishing a new normal, encouraging healthy coping mechanisms, making time for fun, and finding support for yourself. We hope this guide will be a source of support and comfort for you and your child during this challenging time.

Start the Conversation

The first step in supporting your child during a divorce is to talk about it. When discussing the divorce, use language that is appropriate for your child’s age and development level. It's important to provide accurate information in an open and honest way, but be mindful not to place blame on either parent or assign fault. Reassure your child, acknowledge their feelings, and let them know that their emotions are valid. It's okay for them to feel sad, angry, or confused. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and share any concerns they may have. Remind your child that you are here for them and will always be there to provide support.

Remember that your child may have questions about the divorce or your feelings, and it's okay to share age-appropriate information and honest feelings while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Acknowledge Your Own Feelings

Divorce can be an emotionally overwhelming experience for everyone involved, including parents and caregivers. It's important to take the time to recognize your own feelings and talk about them with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Don't feel like you have to be strong all of the time. It's okay to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and grief. Give yourself permission to process your feelings and reach out for help if needed. Doing so will help you manage and process your emotions in a healthy way.

Additionally, it's okay to show your child that you are feeling sad or overwhelmed by the situation. This can help your child understand that it's okay for them to have their own emotions as well. Having said that, be sure to help your child feel safe and set proper boundaries so they don't feel like they need to be your emotional support.

Remember that your child looks up to you as their caregiver, and how you express your emotions can impact how they learn to express themselves. So, it's important to validate your own feelings while modeling healthy coping strategies, like seeking support and self-care.

Establish a New Normal

Work together to find new activities, routines, and rituals that create a sense of security for your child. As a parent or caregiver, working together with your child to establish a "new normal" can help create a sense of stability in a time of change. Try to maintain some consistency in your child's routines and schedules, such as their bedtime or mealtimes. This can be especially important during times of transition, like moving to a new house or adjusting to shared custody.

You can also create new routines or activities together that are unique to your new family structure. Maybe there's a new hobby or activity you can do together, like cooking or hiking. Creating new rituals, like a weekly family game night, movie night, or dinner can also create a sense of security and stability. Encourage your child to have their own time for self-care and relaxation. This can be reading, drawing, or listening to music. It's important to balance structured time with unstructured time so that your child has time to relax and cope with the changes in their life.

It's important to listen to your child's needs and preferences and work together to establish what works best for your family.

Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Do your best to make sure your child has outlets to manage their emotions. Healthy coping mechanisms for children can include talking to a trusted adult or therapist, journaling, or creative outlets like drawing and painting. Having hobbies that they can focus on and enjoy, like playing an instrument or engaging in sports, can be great ways for them to express their emotions and find a sense of comfort. Encourage your child to engage in physical activity or hobbies that bring them joy! This can help them release stress and feel better emotionally.

Invite your child to take part in activities that will help them stay grounded and foster positive emotions, such as yoga, mindfulness practice, or spending time in nature. Helping your child build a sense of resilience and self-compassion can go a long way in providing emotional support.

Allow your child to express their feelings in an appropriate way that is safe for them, such as punching a pillow or going on a walk. Encourage them to take breaks when needed and provide emotional support when things become overwhelming.

It's important to remember that every child is different and may have varying coping mechanisms that work for them. As a caregiver, it's important to be patient and supportive as they navigate their emotions.

Make Time For Fun

Set aside special time with your child, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day of quality time. As a parent or caregiver, it's essential to make time to bond and have fun with your child, even if you are dealing with your own emotions and stress.

Setting aside quality time with your child can help them feel loved, valued, and secure during this difficult time. Even a short amount of time, like 10-15 minutes a day, can make a big difference. You can do fun activities together like playing games, doing crafts, or even just talking and laughing together. One of our personal favorite activities is watching funny animal videos on YouTube! Make sure to focus on your child during this time, and try not to discuss adult-related issues or stress. Instead, let them lead the conversation or activity and allow them to be themselves, no matter what that looks like. This special time can also create lasting memories and traditions that your child can cherish, even after the divorce.

It's important to remember that your child can still have happy moments and fun times, even in the midst of change and uncertainty.

Consider therapy for your child

If your child is struggling to manage their emotions during the divorce, it might be worth considering therapy. A therapist can provide a safe and secure environment for your child to express their feelings, discuss difficult topics, and identify healthy coping strategies. Working with a mental health professional can help your child learn how to accept change, develop healthy communication skills, and build a sense of resilience.

Here at Healing Pathways of Houston, we offer play therapy and sand tray therapy. Play therapy is a form of counseling that uses play to help children express themselves, process trauma, and develop healthy coping strategies. Sand tray therapy is another type of play therapy where the therapist provides a sand tray and miniature figures for your child to interact with in order to explore feelings, sort out conflicts, or even create new stories.

Find Support For Yourself

Seek out family and friends who can lend an ear or provide resources to help you cope too. Finding family members and friends who can offer a listening ear or practical help can be invaluable during this time.

Don't be afraid to reach out to loved ones and share your feelings with them. They may be able to provide emotional support or help with practical matters, like picking up your child from school or running errands for you. You may also consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. We offer individual and family therapy sessions and are here to help you navigate this time.

We can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and offer guidance and support through this difficult time. There are also many support groups and online communities for people going through a divorce. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly comforting and helpful.

Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and seeking support for yourself can ultimately help you more effectively support your child through the divorce.

Going through a divorce is never easy, and it can be especially challenging for children who may not fully understand what's happening. As a parent or caregiver, it's so important to provide support, guidance, and a sense of stability so that your child can navigate this difficult time. By starting a conversation, acknowledging your own feelings, establishing a new normal, encouraging healthy coping mechanisms, making time for fun, and finding support for yourself, you can help your child through the process of divorce. Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. It's important to be patient, understanding, and loving and to seek outside help if needed. With the right support and guidance, your child can emerge from divorce resilient and strong.