Codependency is often associated with substance abuse, but in actuality, it is much broader than that. A codependent relationship occurs two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore. Codependency often has you funneling your energy into supporting the people in your life without making space for — or even considering — what you need for yourself.

Codependent personalities usually follow a pattern of behaviors that are consistent, problematic, and directly interfere with the individual’s emotional health and ability to find fulfillment in a relationship.

A few telltale signs that you may be in a codependent relationship, or have codependent qualities that you bring into your relationships, include: 

A compelling need to control others 

You feel as though if they change their behaviors (even the destructive ones), it will affect you and your sense of stability in the relationship because the roles you play would need to adjust as well. 

Lack of trust in yourself or others 

This could mean that you have trouble making decisions and feel dependent on others to make those decisions for you. You don’t have faith in yourself to make the right choices, and it’s easier to ask someone else to decide for you. That way, if things don’t go as planned, you won’t hold all the responsibility for it and can put the blame on them as well. 

On the flip side, codependency could also look like controlling or manipulating people into making certain decisions because you don’t trust them enough for them to make their own decisions. You believe that as long as you’re the one in control, you will be safe. 

Fear of being abandoned or alone

The reason why codependent people feel the need to control others and question their intentions is that they are worried about being abandoned. Many of these signs can be traced back to a person’s childhood where they felt abandoned – by their parents, peers, or community – and their wounded self is showing up in their current relationships. 

A need for constant appreciation and recognition

In every relationship, it’s important to feel appreciated and to reciprocate that appreciation in return. However, a codependent person may need constant appreciation and validation from their partner. They have a tendency to go out of their way to do more than what is expected of them, and often feel hurt if those efforts aren’t fully appreciated. 

Problems with boundaries 

Someone who is codependent may feel a sense of ownership and entitlement to intrude in someone else’s personal space and time. They may involve themselves in situations and conversations that are inappropriate for them to be involved in. 

You have a hard time saying “no”

You have a chronic need to people please and find it extremely difficult when you think people are mad at you – so you say yes to things that you really wish to say no to. 

How to treat codependency? 

The first step to overcoming this behavior is acknowledging it and understanding it. Treatment for codependency could include therapy that focuses on feelings that have been buried for a long time. Many of the beliefs we hold are ones that were formed in our childhood, so when we understand their origins, we can shift those beliefs into healthier ones that support where you want to go in life. The more you understand co-dependency the better you can cope with its effects.

If you have a hard time recognizing your own needs or have difficulty asking for and accepting support from others, our therapists at Healing Pathways of Houston can offer compassionate guidance and support. Get in touch at info@healingpathwayshouston.com to learn more about how we can work together to help you on your journey.