Didn’t reach all your goals this year? Here’s how to practice self-compassion when you’re not where you want to be.
It can be disheartening when the year comes to an end and we realize that the goals we set for ourselves haven't been reached. It's normal to feel disappointed or defeated when our ambitions don't pan out. Acknowledge that frustration of not having met your goals, but also remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. Practicing self-compassion can help us cope with setbacks, find hope in the future, and motivate ourselves to reach our goals in the future. Here are some tips for how to practice self-compassion when you don't reach your goals.
Reassess the goal in the first place:
Was it a SMART goal? A smart goal means it was Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-based. If the goal you set for yourself wasn't SMART it could have been a factor in why you didn't achieve it.
Evaluating the goal from a more objective perspective will help normalize your feelings about not achieving it. Remind yourself: you are not alone. Everyone has goals they haven't reached yet, and everyone experiences setbacks. It’s natural to feel discouraged when your expectations don’t match reality, but try to be kind and gentle with yourself.
Ask yourself these questions as you reevaluate your goal:
"Was the goal attainable in the first place?"
"Is this my goal or a goal my parents or society has set for me?"
"What am I really wanting to get from this? What is the desired outcome or feeling I want to experience?"
"Am I just trying to keep up with my friends?"
Switch new years resolutions for a new years intention
Personally, I prefer not to set resolutions, but rather set mottos for myself in the new year. My motto for this year was to be more intentional. To me, that meant being more purposeful with my words and actions, and choices. Some other examples of a new year's mottos could be:
"Be brave."
"Trust your gut."
"Find the good in each situation."
"I'm doing my best."
Focus on how you want to FEEL, over what you want to accomplish
Rather than measuring your success with a checklist of to-dos, focus on how you want to feel in the end. Ask yourself: What do I need to do to feel my best? To be productive? How can I fill my cup first and then, what can I give back with that fullness? Focusing on feelings will help remind you that your goals are not just about results, but also the journey and process of getting there.
Celebrate your daily wins
Keep track of all the progress you’ve made, no matter how small. Focus on the things that you have been able to accomplish over the year. One of the best ways to reflect on your accomplishments of the past year is with a journal. List out your goals at the beginning of the year with your small steps and journal about what you’ve accomplished each day, week, month, and year.
Even if you haven’t achieved your ultimate goal, reflect on the little things and celebrate them. Acknowledge and appreciate yourself for the effort you’ve put into your goals, no matter how many times you may have failed.
Let go of goals that no longer feel aligned.
If there's a goal that you set for yourself and year after year it keeps being pushed aside, it's probably time to let go of that goal. It most likely didn’t serve what you wanted it to anyway. It’s never too late to adjust your goals, so don’t be afraid to pivot and try something new. We all have goals that we strive for, but sometimes it is ok to make adjustments when needed.
Prioritize your goals
Prioritizing your goals can help you stay focused and motivated. Make a list of your goals, both short-term and long-term. Then, prioritize which ones are most important to you right now. Focus on the ones that fill you with joy and have the biggest payoff. Also, don’t forget to set reasonable timelines for yourself – work in manageable chunks instead of trying to do everything at once.
Remember, it's ok if you did not reach all of your goals this year. It is more important to focus on the journey rather than the destination. Allow yourself to be kind and compassionate with yourself, focus on your progress, not perfection, and set realistic timelines for yourself. And finally, don't forget to celebrate the small wins and keep striving for what makes you happy! Happy 2023! 🥳.
