How to Set Boundaries with Family Over the Holidays
The holidays are a time for family, friends, and loved ones to get together and celebrate. But for some of us, the holidays can also be a time of stress and anxiety. One way to reduce the stress of family gatherings is to set clear boundaries in advance.
When setting boundaries with family, it's important to remember that you have the right to make decisions about your own life and how you want to spend your time. If you're someone who has trouble setting boundaries with family, the holidays can be especially tough. Here are some tips for setting boundaries with your family so you can enjoy the holidays stress-free.
Find or create a support system to check in with
Having a group chat or support system can be a great way to help protect your boundaries with family during the holidays. It could include a few close family members and/or friends who you can turn to when you could use some extra support. The intention of this group chat is to provide accountability for each other. You can have an open dialogue about how the holidays are going for everyone and what challenges you might be facing in regard to boundary-setting. Checking in with each other allows for a safe space to discuss any issues that may arise. Additionally, having an accountability system in place will help family members remember their agreed-upon boundaries and provide support when needed. For instance, if one person feels uncomfortable partaking in a certain holiday activity they can talk to their peers and receive helpful feedback on how to best handle their situation. Having a reliable way to communicate can make it easier to stick to your personal values while still respecting those of others—which is essential during the holidays when tensions may be high due to disagreements or misunderstandings about traditions.
In the movie "4 Christmases", a code word is used to bring support from a trusted family member or friend when needed. In the movie, the main characters have to attend four different Christmas celebrations in one day. Throughout the day, they find themselves overwhelmed and overstimulated by their own family dynamics and are desperate for an escape. At this point, one of them suggests using a code word - "mistletoe" - that signals to the other that they need help and support in order to take a step back from the situation. This code word works as an effective way for them to communicate with each other amidst all of the chaos at dinner tables, family events, and gatherings.
From one of my favorite holiday movies — Four Christmases — starring Reese Witherspoon & Vince Vaughn.
The use of a code word is beneficial as it provides both partners with comfort in knowing that they have someone looking out for them. It also helps reduce any feelings of guilt or anxiety associated with needing to take some time away from spending time with family or friends during special occasions such as holidays or birthdays. Furthermore, it gives them both an opportunity to relax without feeling judged or uncomfortable in their own skin. The support provided by this code word could be seen as invaluable, especially when dealing with stressful situations that may arise between two people during holidays or special occasions.
Take time for self-care
This is an incredibly helpful tool when it comes to setting healthy boundaries during the holidays. It may be tempting to overextend yourself and try to please everyone around you, but by taking time for yourself, you are more likely to make better decisions about what you’re willing and able to give. Whether it’s doing a guided meditation, taking a yoga class, or going for a walk—allowing yourself time for relaxation and reflection will help you stay in control of your own schedule. Consider creating a self-care plan that incorporates activities like breathing exercises, journaling, or spending time with close friends who support your decisions. Allowing yourself the opportunity to engage in activities that bring you joy is essential when it comes to managing holiday stressors as well as setting realistic boundaries. Additionally, while it can be easy to get swept up in all the shopping and social plans during this season, remember that self-care should always come first; saying no is not selfish or anti-holiday spirit—it’s simply taking care of yourself!
Plan Ahead
This is essential for setting boundaries during the holidays and can help alleviate stress. Having a plan for your holiday season not only helps you handle any surprises that may arise but also allows you to give yourself permission to say no if you are already overcommitted or if taking on additional tasks would be too overwhelming. Many of us feel like we can’t turn down opportunities to celebrate during the holidays, but by planning ahead we can identify what our limits are and how far we’re willing to stretch ourselves. This means being realistic about how much time and energy you have available, as well as what activities actually bring joy into your life. Taking the time to think about which occasions are most important and which traditions hold the most meaning for you will help focus your energy and prevent burnout. Additionally, having a plan can make it easier to stay mindful while celebrating, so that we don’t lose sight of what is truly important during this special time of year. Planning ahead gives us an opportunity to define our boundaries, practice self-care, and ensure that our holiday season is filled with meaningful moments instead of overwhelming obligations.
Create room for flexibility in your holiday plans
For example, if you don't want to attend a certain event or tradition, it's important to be able to communicate that without feeling guilty. Maybe there's a family tradition that you're no longer interested in taking part in and you want to find something else to do instead. Being flexible helps reduce stress levels during the holiday season by giving people more control over their own lives. The same flexibility should be extended to the people celebrating the holidays with you as well. Not only is it important to be mindful of your own limits and needs, but also those of others around you. It's okay to step back from larger gatherings and spend some time alone if needed - there's nothing wrong with taking a break from social events so you can make sure you're looking after your own well-being first and foremost. By allowing yourself space for flexibility throughout the holidays, you can ensure that all of your personal boundaries are respected and taken into account as well as make sure that everyone around is comfortable too!
You don't have to share everything
Keep in mind that you are not obligated to answer every question you're asked or disclose every detail of your personal life. No matter what family members may ask or pressure you into revealing, it is most important to remember that you always have the right to keep certain things private. If a conversation comes up about something sensitive or personal that you don’t feel comfortable discussing, it is okay for you to take charge and politely but firmly state that you would like to “keep that to yourself right now”. This can be hard if the other person keeps pushing for answers, and it may require some additional boundary setting on your part: maintaining eye contact and expressing clearly (but not harshly) that this topic is off limits. Additionally, there are often subtle ways of redirecting the conversation without losing face, such as saying something like “I appreciate your curiosity, but I think we should talk about something else now." Overall, setting boundaries during the holiday season – whether verbal or nonverbal – communicates respect for both yourself and others and allows everyone involved to enjoy their time together without any unnecessary conflict.
Be okay with saying "no"
Sometimes you just have to say no—plain and simple. It is important to recognize when we are doing too much and set our limits accordingly. Saying no can be difficult, but it is a complete sentence- no explanation is needed. Doing too much during the holiday season can lead to stress and burnout, so take the time to assess your availability and prioritize your needs before offering yourself up as a resource. Take ownership over your own decisions when it comes to saying yes or no- don’t let others pressure you into things that don’t align with your values or needs. Make sure to carve out time for yourself each day during the holidays, even if that means saying no to an invitation from time to time. During this busy season, honoring your boundaries will help you stay healthy and balanced while still enjoying the festivities!
I hope these tips can make your holiday season more enjoyable and stress-free. Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable, but it is necessary for creating a healthy and respectful atmosphere during the season. Remember to be kind to yourself and take measures to ensure that your personal needs are met. Wishing you a holiday season filled with lots of joy and ease!
